how to stay motivated

sheryl asked me the following question in the comments:

"One more thing: How do you stay so consistent?! I am totally off track and even WW online didn't get me going. I really like your attitude; so, what would you tell yourself if you had 45 pounds to lose? I'd love to hear some inspirational words. Thanks!"

all right. i guess i have been pretty consistent with working out and eating well (for the most part) for a couple of years, so here are my tips for getting (and staying) motivated.

1) set goals. look at the big picture (for example, how much weight you want to lose total), write it down and then turn the page. you really want to focus on monthly, weekly, even daily goals. when you set small goals for yourself, it's easy to accomplish them. then you feel good about yourself and want to keep going. if you set the bar too high, you will probably fail and feel like crap, and it's a vicious cycle.

so, for example, your monthly goal could be to lose 5 to 10 pounds. attainable? yes. but that won't just happen. make your weekly goal to exercise four to five (or more) times each week. don't just say that's your goal, really make it your goal. get out your calendar and mark what you are going to do on each day of the week. i do this every week. i think of my schedule and then plot out workout times based on my free time. if i have a special event on a thursday night (when i would normally run), i make sure to wake up early and run before work. that way i can feel good about myself all day. and working out on the day of an event gives you a little more wiggle room for foods and drinks, too. your daily goal could be to drink two to three litres of water, or to follow an eating plan, something like that. it's only one little day. if you are tempted by something, tell yourself that if you really want it, you can have it tomorrow. for example, whenever i see a chocolate chip muffin, i want it real bad. especially from tim hortons or another coffee shop. they are just sooooo good. but i always tell myself, not today but if you want it that bad, you can come back tomorrow and get it. and i never do, so it works out.

2) delay the gratification. this sort of ties in with my muffin story (i can have one tomorrow, i can have one tomorrow) but i like to really focus most of the time and then let loose on occasion. i'd much rather eat well all week, make all my meals at home (saves money too), and then not worry too much about it on the weekend. i don't mean go entirely crazy. i still make healthy choices on the weekend but i have a few drinks and indulge a little more. i have a weekend rule and it's called "if you aren't hungry, don't eat it" - that means no mindless eating. when you are at home or out on the weekend it's easy to eat all day long. i usually have a big brunch-lunch on saturday (made by my bf at home, so it's fairly healthy - he uses 3 eggs and then some whites from a carton and we split that, and chicken bacon) and then a dinner later. i know that you are supposed to eat three or more times a day but it's not going to kill anyone on the weekend to just follow their natural hunger cues. and, if you have a big brunch and a dinner, you can have a little something-something post going out at 3 am on sunday morning - when it's really hard to say no!

3) give yourself a reason to stay focused and remind yourself of it. why are you trying to lose weight and get fit? for your kids? for your health? to prevent cancer? just to look hot? whatever your reason (and whatever it is, it doesn't matter so long as it's your own reason), keep that in your mind. you can even put post-its on your fridge and bathroom mirror if you like. i've put notes on my fridge before haha. they say things like, "are you really hungry or just bored?" maybe you have a special event coming up and want to look your best at it. mark it on your calendar and remind yourself of this event when you are tempted by food or laziness. when i'm really struggling in a run, i think about why i'm doing it. i do enjoy running some of the time, but not all of the time. sometimes it really hurts and sucks the big one. other times it's great. on those bad times, i think of my goals and reasons.

4) be an information vacuum. when i started losing weight, i joined ww online. i read the message boards. i started reading other people's blogs. i went to the library and borrowed every past issue of every fitness magazine i could find (and read them on the treadmill), i signed up for nutrition newsletters, i visited organic and health food stores, etc. make fitness and losing weight your #1 hobby. dedicate a lot of time to it. when you know exactly what to do to lose the weight and stay fit, you have a harder time making excuses for yourself.

5) don't put off anything good. i mean, don't tell yourself you aren't going to buy any new clothes or get your hair done or go on vacation or whatever until after you lose weight. if you do that, you are treating yourself like crap. if you are skinny or chubby, you are still a good-looking person who deserves nice things. and having nice things is very motivating. whenever i get a new workout outfit, i can guarantee my first few workouts in that outfit will be spectacular. having nice things and feeling good about yourself just makes your mood improve and your energy go up. besides, your life keeps going. it won't start or get better after the weight is gone, so enjoy yourself throughout the process of losing weight.

6) loosen up. don't be too strict or too hard on yourself. if you mess up, forget about it and move on right away. don't think that because you ate one bad meal your whole day is ruined. it's not. pick yourself up right away and make your next meal a healthy one. also, don't deny yourself your favourite things all the time. if you love wine or chocolate, have it on one day of the week. that being said, if you are a crazy beast around a certain type of food then you should not keep it in your house or anywhere around you. personally, i can't control myself around ice cream. i become a monster who has to eat the whole carton and nothing can stand in my way. nothing! noootttthhhiiiiing! so i can't have it at home. occasionally i will get a cone or something but i try to limit it, knowing that it will just fuel my craving for more.

7) make friends with exercise. nobody really wants to work out. wouldn't everyone just rather sit on the couch? but after you do it, it feels SO GOOD. and it makes you look really good too. and it's good for your body. so really, the only thing working against you is your mind. if you tell yourself that exercise is your lifelong friend it becomes a little easier. why put off doing it when you have to do it for the rest of your life! besides, the more you do it, the fitter you become, and the easier it is. and you can become strong and scare people! i'm kidding, but as a fit, strong woman i feel a lot safer walking alone at night, knowing that i am capable of punching someone hard and running away fast - and keeping it up without being out of breath for a long time. don't you want to be an action movie star too?

the easiest way to get started with exercise and stick with it is to a) work out with a "buddy" or b) set some sort of goal and plan into motion (this is what i did because i'm kind of a loner and none of my friends work out). for example, you can do the couch-to-5k program (you can google it) and start running. if you think you can't run, you are deluding yourself. everyone can! well most people, unless you have joint or leg issues. when i started i couldn't even run for a minute without panting manically. i'm not joking - it was really REALLY tough. but if you stick with the program, you can do it too. and running is amazing exercise - nothing has toned my body like running has. a friend once told me that after you can run for 30 minutes without stopping it gets much easier and it's so true! once you cross that barrier you're golden!

also mix up your exercise so you don't get bored. i go through phases. i try to stick to running, but i like to mix in swimming, yoga, workout videos, etc. depending on my mood and the time of year. right now i'm doing mostly swimming and running.

8) read up on food. when i was doing ww online i would eat anything as long as it was low in calories and points. after doing a lot of personal research, i don't do that anymore. for the most part, everything i put inside my body gives it nutrition. i read every nutrition label and look especially at the protein content, fat content (for saturated and trans fats), the fiber content and the sodium content. obviously i'm not perfect and i do eat crap too but i'd say 80-90% of the time i eat really well. when you know what happens inside your body after eating crap, you'll be less likely to eat it too. also, bad food makes me feel bad. most of the time when i eat a greasy pub meal, my body literally rejects it and i am in the bathroom for a long time. gross? yeah ... i guess my body thought it was gross too. look for foods that are nutritious AND filling. eat more vegetarian protein options - like seeds, beans, lentils, edamame, whatever. i never really ate beans (except for wieners and beans!) until a couple of years ago and they are sooooo good.

9) i guess my last tip would be that everything you do is really mind over matter. nothing is stopping you from reaching your goals but you. no one is holding you down, preventing you from working out or shoving cookies in your mouth. hmmmm. of course that's easy to say and hard to do. but everyone has a choice, right? yes the cake looks delicious but is it worth it based on your current goals? what will feel better - eating the cake now or accomplishing your goals a little later? the taste of food is fleeting but feeling good about yourself can't be beat. i actually got this tip from that books series, don't sweat the small stuff. i read that being angry or upset at someone is your choice. for instance, when you are experiencing some rampant road rage, pull yourself back. choose not to feel anger. it's possible. being angry at another driver accomplishes nothing but makes smoke come out of your ears - and it's dangerous as well. put yourself in the other driver's shoes. maybe they got fired from work that day, or perhaps they found out one of their parents has cancer. you have no idea - you can't assume they are just a dick for no reason. so what's the point of being angry? there isn't one. ha! my point is, you can choose to overcome your temptations and work out when you don't feel like it. over time, as these things become part of your regular routine, it becomes more about habit and less about willpower.

10) i just wanted to have a #10 to round out the list. actually i just thought of a #10. realize that anything (weight loss or fitness) does not happen overnight. when you accept that it will happen gradually over time, the chances of it happening are greater. besides, you can put pressure on yourself to meet unrealistic goals but what the point? you will just feel bummed when you don't meet your goals. but if you stick with them, and stick to working out and a healthy diet, in a year or two or maybe just months, you'll be a success, instead of wondering why you are back where you started, frustrated and bummed.

phantom fat

you must click here and read this article on "phantom fat". it's EXACTLY what i've been talking about the past few days!

body image

angie made a comment on my last post that said: It saddens me when I know that beautiful people no matter what their size feel this way about their body :-(

i wanted to address this because it saddens me too. i mean, i lost 40 pounds, i'm at a "happy weight," so why WHY DAMMIT can't i just be satisfied? and it got me thinking ...


some random thoughts:

1) i think it's rare for a women to be completely 100% satisfied with the way they look ... naked. i am 99% great with how i look ... in clothes. naked is another story.

2) i think a common misconception is when people think that after losing however many pounds they want to lose, they will feel great about their body. it's like when people blame problems in their lives on being overweight. if anyone thinks that they will a) make new friends or get a boyfriend b) get a better job c) be happy all of the time after losing weight, they are deluding themselves. the problem is not the weight it's the mindset which holds people back.

3) i am completely a product of the society i was raised in. think about it - diet companies everywhere, diet programs everywhere, girls in magazines and tv all looking perfect all of the time, being made fun of by my siblings and kids at school for being chubby, drinking diet coke as a child because my mom did, even going on ridiculous diets that my mom suggested when i was a teenager. i have changed a lot but everything i grew up with will never leave the back of my mind. now i exercise regularly and eat (mostly) healthy foods but that's all self-taught. the best i can do is make sure my kids don't have to deal with all of the CRAP and make sure i never say anything negative about myself around them.

4) i put a lot of value into what my body can do, especially after my butt pain injury last summer, which left me hobbling around with a gimp leg for months and months. i need to find some sort of happy medium between body doing and body looking.

check out these two vintage ads i recently came across. they obviously did nothing to help the body image crisis. make sure you click on them to blow them up to readability size:



i had planned a completely different post but wanted to blab a little about body image and how sad it is that it affects so many people out there - it is really sad. :( boo hoo hoo. i'm not really crying. how could i cry when i'm going to punta cana in 23 days! ;) and yes, my bf is so nifty and i'll take your boobs, lainey, hehehe. thanks for the resort tip, points princess! yabba dabba!

le sigh

i am now a brunette again. hooray! i feel like a completely new person even though i've only been blond since last september. my bf doesn't know i changed it up. he will be so surprised (evil laugh). and so will my co-workers who have only known me as a blond. the haircut is very catherine zeta jones in chicago.

WHAT IS UP WITH THE ANONYMOUS COMMENT IN MY LAST POST???

seriously? i shouldn't be wearing short shorts at age 27? number one, that's the dumbest thing i've ever heard. number two, jealousy is a very unattractive quality. zing! number three, anonymous comments are so lame. insults without real people to back them up are meaningless and number four, even stacey and clinton say you can wear miniskirts until age 35, and the only difference between a miniskirt and a pair of short shorts is a little flap of material. AND number five, i never felt comfortable wearing short shorts until i was about 25 years old so you better believe i'm going to work it as long as i can. so there. i think i've made my point.

to the rest of you with nice questions and comments, here are my answers:

1) no, i didn't have to keep moistening the strap. it just worked all day (and night!) i did wear an old sort of loosey sports bra to bed, just to make sure it didn't slip out of place.

2) my daily burn is less than the average woman's (i think) for a few reasons. number one, i just don't think my metabolism is that fast. ever since puberty i've had a problem with weight gain. (this runs in my family as well.) if i even look at or smell a chocolate chip muffin i seem to be heavier. not joking. also, it seems like some of my friends can eat a lot more than me and put on weight slower. these are really good friends that i know well (and know their eating habits well), not those people who eat a lot in public and then are very diligent about watching their food in private. also, number two, i am quite light (now that i've lost weight) so obviously in my natural day-to-day movements i don't need as much energy to move around and that means less calories and less food.

3) trying out a hrm for a whole day is AWESOME! i have come to peace with the numbers - they really aren't THAT bad, especially when i compare the calories of my daily points to what i'm apparently burning.

4) i also prefer writing my points down in a book. my book is so little and cute too - fits in my purse and sits on my desk at work without looking conspicuous.

5) everyone's metabolism rate is different based on genetics (inherited metabolism), age, sex, weight, height, activity level... blah blah blah. that's why in weight watchers, the heavier you are, the more points you get. and then when you are me and want to drop a few pounds that you gained, you are stuck with 18 points a day which is inhuman and impossible if you are working out or doing any activity other than sitting all day.

6) i wonder if i have a thyroid problem. since right now i am able to control my weight (somewhat) i won't get it checked, but that's something to think about in the future.

now i have a VERY interesting question. maybe someone knows the answer. apparently, the average resting heart rate for a woman is about 70 beats per minute. mine is 58 - that's very slow. now apparently, the more athletic you are (the more you've worked out especially with cardio), the slower your heart rate is. now, slow is good because it means your heart does not have to work as hard to keep your blood pumping HOWEVER a fast heart rate burns more calories. so as someone with an athletic heart rate, does that mean i am burning fewer calories because my heart beats slower than your average bear? riddle me that! AND i know that having more muscle speeds up your metabolism because a pound of muscle burns 50 times more calories than a pound of fat, but does having more muscle affect your heart rate at all? how would my heart rate monitor detect muscle mass? i don't think it can, but it definitely is raising some questions that make my brain hurt!

now i have to vacuum my apartment. JOY!

HRM stats

bonjour. i have some info for "y'all." yesterday i wore my heart rate monitor from 7am until 6:30am - that's 23.5 hours, almost a whole day. i couldn't leave it on for 24 because i had to shower before work. you know how it is. anyway. i recorded my calorie burn almost every hour on the hour. here are the gory details:

total calorie burn: 1930

average calorie burn while awake: 72 per hour

average calorie burn while asleep: 58 per hour

calories burned during my 3-mile/32:24 minute (in the heart rate zone) run: 300

**** more stats ****

at the end of my awake day (7am to 11pm) including running, i burned 1494 calories.

on lazy days where i do nothing, sleep for 7 hours and am awake for 17 hours, i burn 1630 calories.

on days that i run 3-miles, i burn 1930 calories.

if i run three times per week, i have to eat an average of 1762 calories per day to maintain my weight.

now, of course i really should wear it for more days to have a more accurate average. and i will, but i needed a break from that chest strap. throughout the day, i didn't do too much. i sat on my bum at work and after dinner went out for dinner and then to the movies, which involved more sitting, which is somewhat atypical for most of my evenings (usually i am cleaning or doing something around my apartment).

**** to conclude ****

i was a bit maddened to find out that i only burned 1500 calories on a day that i burned 300 calories running, but i didn't think to add in the calories burned in sleep. i always knew that i didn't burn 2000-2500 calories a day, like the average woman (apparently, according to tv). i feel like my eyes are more opened. obviously i can't change the way my body works but now i can eat with the knowledge of when to ABSOLUTELY STOP. i could work out more or every day but that's unrealistic as well.



i am feeling pretty motivated. i am counting points in a little notebook (online subscription cancelled - do not need it), running three times a week and now i am more aware about what's going on in my own body. i am really inspired by my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who recently lost about 40 or 50 pounds by counting ww points herself, without the help of meetings or online resources. she said she was up about six pounds so is tracking again to get back down and avoiding alcohol. it's very inspiring - i can do that too. i really don't need to be drinking any of my calories on the weekend while i'm trying to reach my summer weight. if i just stay strict for a couple of weeks, i'll be there and then i can enjoy the summer and fit into my short shorts again. one of my friend's mottos is: tomorrow is a new day. that used to be my motto too until i got too comfortable with things. when the calories (or points or whatever) are eaten, it's time to stop even if you are still a bit hungry. a little bit of hunger isn't the end of the world and tomorrow is a new day to start again - preferably with delicious oatmeal.

to-do lists

bonjour.

having a "to-do" list is the only way to get things done. yesterday at the end of work i made myself a list of everything i wanted to accomplish on monday night. ready? walk 3-5 miles, launder my towels, apply for jobs, pay credit card and cable/phone bills, empty the dishwasher. ALL DONE oh yeah. i love feeling productive. :)

my workout last night was pretty intense. i know i am not supposed to be running but i thought a few intervals wouldn't hurt anyone. and if they did it's my own stupid fault. i warmed up for five minutes walking, and then did a series of six 30-second sprints (8.5 mph) followed by 1-minute of really slow jogging (4.5 mph). afterward i continued to walk (3.8 mph) for the rest of the five miles, changing my incline from 1 to 5 and back to 1 every two minutes. it took a long time - almost 75 minutes BUT i got to read my latest issue of women's health from cover to cover. i finished my workout with some sit-ups, stretches and bum exercises on the mat.

this morning i went for a 40-minute swim, and sat for five minutes in the steam room after my shower. can anyone actually relax in the steam room? my lungs do not like steamy air. every deep breath i took ended up in a coughing fit. i mean two little coughs, not a fit. tonight i plan on doing some yoga. only 20 minutes though.

in other news, last night i also downloaded itunes so that i could download the jillian michael's podcasts i've been hearing so much about. at first i couldn't believe that i didn't have itunes already, but it makes sense since i used to keep songs on my work computer, and now i have a zune which doesn't "do" itunes. i have an ipod but the battery life is so terrible and it doesn't work in cold temperatures at all. lame! i downloaded all of her podcasts (since october 5, 2008) but i haven't listened to any of them yet. i'm thinking... maybe i will put them on a CD and listen in the car. but then again i have three really great audiobooks lined up. such dilemmas! what a hard life... should i listen to the podcast or the book while driving in my car? la dee da doo.

speaking of jillian michaels, who is excited about the biggest loser tonight? i wish i could say that i was, but i'm feeling so-so about it this season. usually i pay attention with one ear and one eyeball and then do other things while i watch, like clean up the apartment or read. the end... i've typed enough today.

the FOREVER diet

the other day, i was thinking about weight maintenance. i've lost 40 pounds on weight watchers, and kept it off for about a year and a half, maybe two years. i'm sure people (friends, family, readers?) think i'm pretty good at maintaining my weight because i usually can stay within a five-pound range. however, i don't think i've mastered the maintenance secret yet because i continue to gain and lose the same five (or six or seven) pounds over and over again. i've read that gaining and losing the same amount of weight (even ten little pounds) can be very bad for your overall long term health. so what's my point?

to me, weight maintenance has always been this far off ideal. to be able to eat whatever you want (but sensibly), and not have to worry about gaining weight because you have control over eating. you eat to live, not to eat. my problem is, i still live to eat. every time i go through the grocery store checkout line and see those stacks of chocolate bars, my mind thinks, "gimme gimme gimme." i don't give in, but i don't consider depriving myself the same as having control.

another problem i have is the idea of "normal eating" vs "diet eating." i still think that if i am where i want to be weight-wise, then i can eat whatever i want, as long as it's a sensible portion. this is not true. why? i don't know. maybe it's true for you and not for me. i think to myself, wouldn't it be great to have a morning snack of tea and two cookies? le sigh. le cookies. don't normal women who have control of their eating eat this way? maybe, maybe not. i'll never know because everyone is different. everyone has different metabolisms, different tastes, different body and food issues. when i'm not trying to lose weight, i gain weight. up and down, up and down. it's annoying but maybe i'm just programmed that way.

i've finished reading gone with the wind (tragic), and started a new book, thin is the new happy by valerie frankel. i'm only about a quarter into it, and what she is writing about really hits home for me. i started gaining weight when i hit puberty, and my mother did a lot of things to "help" me lose weight. i remember eating dry toast and clementines at lunch when everyone else had delicious looking french fries from the school cafeteria. yes, i did lose weight. yes, i instantly felt better about myself. but why? acceptance obviously. not only did my mother praise me, but friends did, teachers, even women who worked in clothing stores would compliment my mother on the shape of my legs. and hearing this i felt like a bazillion dollars. i don't blame my mother, because we are all just part of this womanly cycle of self-loathing. we can try to step out of the mold, but it's going to be very difficult. i can tell myself that i'm never going to mention anything to do with weight/food issues to my children, but if they see me dieting or complaining about my looks, it won't matter. monkey see monkey do. valerie frankel talks about how she has been on a diet for thirty years, since she was 11 years old. me too... me too...

the only thing i can say is that i've learned A LOT about weight maintenance over the last couple of years. for example, having an exercise routine that is part of your lifestyle makes all the difference. changing the staples of your diet does too. things i used to indulge in all time are a once-in-a-while occurrence, and i'm fine with that. one of my favourite techniques is telling myself that tomorrow is a new day. i want the pastry at starbucks, but it will be there tomorrow if i want it that badly and can't get it out of my mind. i'm not really depriving myself because i probably didn't want it anyway. the same can be said about those supermarket chocolate bars! has anyone noticed they aren't really as good as you remember them being? i guess i'm fine with losing and gaining the same five pounds over and over again as well, if it means i can enjoy myself when it really matters (holidays, celebrations, random fun times).

what do you think? are you on a forever diet too?

ouchy ouchy

my legs are so sore (still!) from doing lunges with weights on tuesday night. seriously, i can hardly move. can anyone say “out of shape?” i was going to do the elliptical this morning but decided to take a rest day since i am moving at such a slow pace. i have book club tonight and if i feel like working out after that (not likely) then i will. tomorrow is weigh in day and i was hoping to get an extra workout in but it’s not the end of the world.

last night we ate low fat fries with swiss chalet gravy, and low fat chicken and cheese meatballs from sobeys. and baby tomatoes. it was very delicious. going to bed i was a bit hungry and while making his lunch for tomorrow, my boyfriend tried to throw some cheese at me, but i resisted and ate a clementine instead.

in other news, my boyfriend’s sister is putting on this fashion show for charity in november, and asked me to be a model in it. i have never been in a fashion show so it’s pretty exciting. there is a fitting on tuesday! maybe this will inspire me to think healthy thoughts this weekend.

lately instead of eating bigger meals like the three usuals: breakfast, lunch, and dinner, i’ve been snacking all day long or dividing my meals into a few different parts. during the week and especially when i’m eating alone i like this a lot better. for example, for breakfast i used to have oatmeal and yogurt, or oatmeal and cottage cheese, but now, i have the oatmeal as usual and save the dairy for a morning snack, or eat it around noon. it’s great. i’m never too full and hardly ever hungry.

tonight is book club and the book we read this month is “the watchmen” by david gibbons and alan moore. it’s a graphic novel. i enjoyed it, although i don’t really care for the topic of superheroes in general so it could have been better. apparently there is a movie coming out soon? i don’t know. it won a HUGO award and was voted one of time magazine’s top 100 novels, so that has to stand for something. :)

oh boy

today i'm not feeling so great. i feel really unattractive... you know, muffin top, pimple, windblown hair, faded jeans, under eye circles. generally bad news. it's so cold and windy today. i look like a monster - not joking. short bleached hair looks like the hair on a muppet after it has been blowing in the wind.

this morning i had my group session at the employment insurance office. really i just snoozed the whole thing away, although i did learn some great resources for improving my english. it was not helpful to me, personally, but i can see how it would be for some people. and it's good to make sure that people aren't cheating the system.

here is a general beef i have: why doesn't tim hortons take debit or visa? seriously... only mastercard or cash. i can understand cash only because they want to keep the lines moving along speedily, but some people don't carry cash (like me, usually). this morning i bought some boxes of that pumpkin spice tea. it's so delicious! anyway, luckily i found an old abandoned tim's card in my wallet, or else i would have had to give up my tea dreams. sad, but true.

in terms of food and eating, i have learned something very, VERY interesting about myself. i need to keep myself neither full or hungry. especially not too full. when i am too full, i feel like i've "blown it," like why bother stopping now... even if i've just eaten a plate of veggies. it doesn't matter... the whole ruining the diet mentally. even though it's ridiculous and i can rationally acknowledge its ridiculousness. so i can't let myself be too full, and ESPECIALLY, not in the evenings, when i am alone. i envy people who live with other people because it's sort of like a block for overeating. i wouldn't stuff myself in front of anyone else because of the embarrassment or the idea of someone judging my eating. but alone, why not? who is going to know? except myself and that's a whole other discussion of feeling bad about yourself!

so that's all i have to say today. today for breakfast i had strawberry carnation instant breakfast made with unsweetened almond breeze instead of oatmeal. a nice change taste-wise but it is not holding me over at all.

shopping, and water

i didn’t go running last night. i had every intention of doing it, but then i didn’t get home until 9pm. why? shopping :) i left my mom’s office around 6pm, and stopped in H & M to return a skirt, and ended up buying 2 pairs of dress pants, 3 sweaters, and a pair of jeans. i like how things at H & M are usually regularly sized and not vanity sized. for example, in pants and skirts there, i am a size 6, not something ridiculous like a 0-2. in tops, usually a 4 but that depends on the button situation. i’m sure you all know what i’m talking about. anyway, i have to go back there tonight because one of the pants i brought home is a 4, so i must have put back the wrong size. i also like H & M because i can buy jeans from the kids section. and they are only $22. that’s cheap for jeans! they size is for 14-15 year olds, and only works if you have no hips like moi. i am afraid to give birth. my mom had 3 caesarean sections because of this problem. good thing it’s not the olden days or we’d both be dust!

moving on, i also went to globo shoes. i bought the cutest pair of booties but when i brought them home i decided they were too small. i got an 8 and normally am 8.5. so i went back to make the exchange and they were $10 off, on sale. here they are for your viewing pleasure.

and then i went to loblaws and picked up giant cans of pumpkin (love thanksgiving), cottage cheese, strawberries, a coconut cream pie larabar (new!), and some high protein pitas.

i made the mistake of weighing myself this morning and i am way up. what gives? i have been doing everything right except.... drinking enough water! drinking 4 cups of coffee a day doesn’t count as water! today i am going to chug a lug at least 3 litres. that is my lofty goal.
this morning i swam for 30 minutes and i am definitely running tonight. here is today’s menu:

quaker regular oatmeal (2)
½ cup all bran (1)
(in gingerbread spice tea)
½ cup fat free vanilla yogurt (1)
142g strawberries (0)
(4)

½ cup 1% cottage cheese (1.5)
142g strawberries (0)
(5.5)

couscous cup (3)
½ high protein pita (1)
hummus (1)
red pepper strips (0)
baby carrots (0.5)
(11)

cocoa coconut larabar (4)
(15)

protein powder (2)
unsweetened almond breeze (1)
140g frozen berries (0)
(18)

some random thoughts

first thought: this morning whilst riding my bike to work, i was really reminded of the weather on vancouver island. it was humid and foggy, but not hot. i miss victoria. my grandparents used to live there but not anymore as they are all deceased. it's weird how times and places and people in live change. yes i am very deep. the point is victoria is a wicked city.

second thought: last night there were crazy thunderstorms. the lightning was so bright that i think it hit the ground right outside of my building several times. my cat oliver was so scared, he was doing the snake walk haha. somehow his legs disappear and he slithers on the ground to some hiding spot. maybe he thinks he is safer being so close to the ground. anyway it looks ridiculous.

third thought: my mexican dinner was a huge success. for me anyway. i was really impressed with myself. my boyfriend liked it too, but he's not as familiar with mexican-type food as i am. he said, "what is this mushy hunk?" about the refried beans. ha! the best part is i have leftovers for lunch today.

fourth thought: i drank way too much white wine last night. normally i am a red girl, but i wanted something cool and refreshing. i think it kind of made me toss and turn in the night and i am not feeling that hot today. not hung over at all, but whenever i drink too much, i feel overly sensitive.

fifth thought: i still got up and hit the gym because i am hardcore. i did three times ten minutes running on the treadmill with arm weights in between and then stretches and 100 sit-ups of different varieties at the end. whenever i do arm weights and look in the mirror at the gym i feel like a real beefcake... you know when you are lifting weights and right after your muscles are kind of plumped up (in a good beefcake way). it always makes me think about being a female boxer. i am sort of tuff, i could do it maybe. i am way tougher than any other girl in my immediate circle of friends/family. kapow!

sixth thought: tonight is my last sewing class. i hope i get everything done in time. and then i hope i continue to make things outside of class.

seventh thought is today's menu:

fiber one with almond butter

pc multigrain oatmeal with flax, cinnamon, pumpkin, 1/2 banana and blueberries

fat free yogurt

vanilla protein shake

leftover mexicano

plum

fat free yogurt with blueberries

cocoa mole larabar

thursday whoop

my heart rate monitor hasn't come in the mail yet, but i didn't expect it to. i am patiently waiting, in case you were wondering. date night was fun. we sang songs, and then we made gardenburgers on enriched buns and low fat mccain fries, and a yummy salad with tomatoes, sundried tomatoes, and fat free ranch dressing. and these santa fe crispy salad topper strips which are basically ranch doritos packaged as a salad topping. ok if you are careful with portion control.

we watched antm: i was happy with who got the boot. that girl was so awkward, she needed to go. she couldn't even walk (or talk.) i find myself thinking, why can't these girls just change to suit the judges? i would! you are a model—adapt yourself! if your silly voice makes you sound like an idiot, stop talking that way! i don't get it.

tonight is more new TV: ugly betty and grey's anatomy. i don't want to watch any more TV but i don't want to be out of the loop. actually i don't watch ugly betty... i've just always wanted to watch it because it looks super cute. i watched grey's anatomy, but the truth is i am so sick of meredith's whining and pining. maybe i will just tape it and read a book instead. that way i won't have to sit through boring commericals either.

or, i could go to the eaton centre after work and meet BOB HARPER, who is signing books at indigo. i really like bob harper. he seems to genuinely care about making people healthier. and he's so little and cute too. on the other hand i don't really care about meeting celebrities, and i don't like crowds in shopping malls, so maybe i will go home and vacuum instead.

this post is too stream of consciousness. this morning at the gym i walked for 30 minutes on the treadmill, did a bit of strength training, and then 10 minutes on the stationary bike. not a bad work out but i might go for another walk after work. tomorrow is weigh-in and i was up for the last two weeks which has to be nipped. in. the. bud. maintenant!

apparently there is a brand new sobey's right by my office so i am going to go there at lunch and check it out. i don't know why they would put a sobey's here when there is a giant dominion and loblaws just blocks away, but variety is the spice of life, as well as consumer choice, so i'm not complaining. today on the menu is:

1/2 piece sprouted grains bread (pre workout)
1/2 piece sprouted grains bread (post workout)

handful of vanilla shreddies shoved in my mouth
coffee

source yogurt with unsweetened almond joy
1 cup chopped strawberries
1/2 cup organic kamut puff cereal

pc blue menu multigrain oatmeal
with flax and
1/3 cup vanilla shreddies mixed in

carrots and tomatoes with spicy hummus
more yogurt with unsweetened almond breeze
grapes

and for dinner... not sure yet.

z is for zombie

is the week over yet? guess what fellow bloggers? the painting is finished! well, almost. i still have to do touch ups but i did a bit of them last night and it's actually fun. i love precise painting, i just dislike the big scale roller-style painting ya know? but it's over. i took the tape off too soon and it made a bit of a goopy paint mess, but it was fixed with touchups. i didn't go to bed until late last night so i am very tired today. but i wanted to finish painting, clean up all the painting stuff so i didn't have to look at it anymore, and clean the kitchen. i am having a friend over tonight and i want my apartment to be spotless and beautiful, not painty and messy and gross.

so now my bedroom is green. but - i have a red and black plaid duvet cover. oops. it's ugly anyway so this is the perfect excuse to give it the heave-ho. i want something patterned. something yellow and white and black. those specifications only! one more day until the weekend. ;)

in other news, my eating has been going pretty good and i'm exercising a lot, and i'm beginning to see some real ab definition. i may or may not post a picture. on the one hand, i want to show off my awesome new abs (years in development haha) but on the other hand, do i really want a picture of my stomach on the internet? on a blog? for the world to see? and would it be one of those fishing for compliments things? i mean, i deserve compliments because i worked hard! would other bloggers say nice things in my comments but then think mean thoughts in their heads? not that any of you think mean thoughts haha. and i don't like thinking about mean thoughts. what a scattered post. obviously i am not getting enough sleep but that is what weekends are for.

this morning i ran (outside woohoo in the city sunshine) for four miles, then came inside and did four miles on the bike (which really isn't that much... about 15 minutes) and did some ab work. it's another busy day at work and i work best in the morning (as opposed to the afternoon) so i'm gonna tcb (take care of business). today i'm eating:

fibre source granola bar (2) - did you know these have HFCS! i am still eating mine...

yogurt with strawberries (1.5)

oatmeal with added flax and all bran (3)
(6.5)

sol cuisine veggie burger (2)
ww bun (2)
spicy hummus (1)
green beans (0)
(11.5)

yogurt and strawberries (1.5)
(13)

apple (1)
(14)

carrots and hummus (1)
(15)

spaghetti squash (1)
salad with dressing (2)
turkey grill em sausage (2)
(20)

wine with my friend (4)
(24)

friday woohoo!

i have to say, i wasn't that impressed with grey's last night. the only thing that hooked me into wanting to watch next week's episode was the very end. i just am not *that* into tv anymore. and new shows? forget about it! who has time? and i like to spend my free time reading. i am almost finished "a thousand splendid suns" by khaled hosseini. he also wrote "the kite runner" which was out of this world, if you haven't read it.

everybody's talking about the scotiabank marathon this weekend. well, not me! although this morning i finished day one of week two of the couch to 5k running podcasts. i def. prefer running in the evenings when i'm a loosey goosey, but the morning is just so convenient and it's nice to have it out of the way.

anyway, this weekend i'm talking about a little trip to the island tonight... hopefully. we didn't get to go on wednesday due to rain. tomorrow is the clothing show - but i think we are going to skip it. tomorrow night is a) my boyfriend's band playing steamwhistle indie club, live at the edge 102.1 studio on yonge st. and nuit blanche all night long. sunday is the word on the street - i will be working at my company's booth of course. word on the street is a super rad event - anyone living in the city should check it out. and that's the weekend - busy!

last night i had thai food - but i wasn't that impressed with the selection. i am funny about noodles - those weird, glassy, crunchy noodles remind me of worms and i just can't do it. so i avoided the pad thai and got "oodles of noodles chicken" which was advertised as yellow noodles. i thought they would be like chinese chow main noodles but they weren't! they were so fat and wormy! they tasted alright but i didn't eat very much. i guess that's ok because i am having leftover enchiladas for lunch today. i love leftovers!

menu:
breakfast:
oatmeal (2)
yogurt (1)
3/19

lunch:
chicken enchilada (3)
refried beans (2)
mexican rice (2)
10/19

of course that's estimating...

dinner: no idea.

Friday Friday Friday

Friday = weigh-in day. I gained 0.4 which is basically nothing. I don't know why I gained because I definitely stayed within my points... but I did only make it to the gym three times, one of which was this morning after weighing in. So it goes.

In general, I am pretty happy with my weight. I would really like to lose 6-8 more pounds but that may never happen. I am about 4 pounds heavier than the lowest weight ww recommends for my height (5'6"), although I have a very small frame. I don't *need* to lose weight but it would make me more confident... I have been going to the gym consistently for at least a year now, and I am pretty muscular although my stomach needs more toning. I will probably never have a flat stomach, or a pack of abs or whatever that's called, but as it stands I would not feel comfortable wearing a two-piece bathing suit, and I want that to change. My mom says it's better not to have a superflat stomach. She says that if your stomach is too flat and tight, then when you have kids your skin will stretch out and be super loose... I guess similar to losing a lot of weight. And I like a feminine look - curves never hurt anyone. Sometimes I think my arms are a little too buff and it bothers me a bit. ANYWAY. Ramble ramble.

I brought a feast with me to work today to take to the island.

I have:

cauliflower, carrots and baby tomatos
garlic hummus dip
mini whole wheat pita
fat free chicken breast slices
roast beef slices
a bar of mozzarella cheese
a berry medley including blackberries, blueberries, and raspberries
YUMMMMMM!

The vacuum crisis has been averted. My mom said I should just buy a new vacuum and use it before and after the party, and she'll pay for it, and then take it later, because her office needs a new vacuum anyway. I went to Canadian Tire yesterday after work and got a nice upright bagless one for $75 on sale from $99. Pretty good. I haven't done any vacuuming yet but I plan on it tonight... actually probably tomorrow.

Here is todays menu:

Breakfast:
chocobran (2)
oatmeal (2)
4/19

Lunch:
spinach (0)
dressing (1)
tuna (2)
tomatos (0)
yogurt (2)
raspberries (0)
9/19

And the rest of the points - see above! :o) Happy weekending!

Stress

I am feeling really stressed out. This weekend (on Sunday) is my 26th birthday. I am not feeling stressed about the age or birthday haha. On Saturday I'm having a party and I'm stressed about that. There is always just too much to do. AND my vacuum has been at Sears being "repaired" for almost a month and my floors are DISGUSTING so I'm embarassed and don't know what I should do. Also, on Friday it is my 6 month anniversary with the bf. We are going to the island to celebrate our happy romance and I am planning a picnic dinner. That isn't stressful, but knowing that I have to have everything ready before work tomorrow is! I am thinking some mini-pitas, hummus, some veggies/fruits, and cold cuts. Today at lunch I have to renew my health card as it expires on my birthday - how annoying! It's at Bay and College so it's a bit of a trek... hopefully there won't be a line up and I can make it there and back in my lunch hour. I am looking forward to the weekend because it's all about me me me but I'll be happy to relax when it's over. :o)

Even though my weigh-in is tomorrow morning I weighed myself this morning and was up 1.8 pounds. Damn it to hell. :o( I did eat late last night so I'm trying to make wise choices today. Lots of water, no packaged meals (sodium=bad) and... that's about it.

Here is my menu today:

Breakfast:
oatmeal: 2
2/19

Snack:
all-bran bar: 2
4/19

Lunch:
can of tuna (mmmm sounds appetizing haha): 3
spinach: 0
dressing 1
yogurt: 1 peach flavour
9/19

Snack:
another yogurt but a big one (2) fat free banana mmmm
11/19

Dinner:
gardenburger with bun (3)
green beans (0)
14/19

Def. some booze as well. And probable some special k with soymilk (3) later on.

Stomach Woes

Woe is me. I didn't make it to the gym this morning because I was up last night with the WORST stomach upsetness of all time. Shivering, sweating, groaning, make-it-up, feelings of wanting to barf, laying on the bathroom floor because it's cold and the only thing that feels somewhat comforting. I don't know where this came from but it sucks. I slept in until 8 and made it to work, luckily, but still! I can't remember ever feeling that crappy. There were points where I thought I might die! And my roommate wasn't home - I thought, should I call someone or is that just crazy? Very mysterious.

Breakfast: nectarine yogurt (1)
1 tbsp almonds (1)
2/19

Snack: fruit to go squiggle (1)
3/19

Lunch: lean cuisine (5)
chocolate chip caramel rice cake (1)
carrots (0)
9/19

Snack: probably an all bran bar or oatmeal (2)
or nothing... it's already 2:30 after all.... and I still feel a bit queasy... don't want to push it with the fibre.

Tonight I am going to see Rufus Wainwright at the Danforth Music Hall. He's one of my favourite singers so I can't wait.

Wine and Other Booze Related Drinks

Here is my Wednesday menu thus far:

Pre-gym: chocolate chip banana bran muffin (1)
1/19

Breakfast:
1 cup cheerios (2)
1 cup light silk soy beverage (1)
3 strawberries (0)
6 blueberries (0)
5 blackberries (0)
4/19

Lunch:
2 cups spinach (0)
1 can white tuna (3) When I plugged this into ww online it said that 1 can of this tuna is 1 point. BUT it's 3 points. Why is it saying 1 point!!!! WHY!?
sun dried tomatos (0)
dressing (1)
carrots (0)
8/19

Snack: carrots (0)
Either all-bran bar (2) or yogurt (1)

Tonight I'm making dinner for my boyfriend. We are going to have salsa turkey sloppy joes and drink wine, so I have to save up points for the wine.

I constantly have this inner debate about alcohol. I love drinking. I love it. Not to excess, but I love hanging around and having a couple of beers or glasses of wine. I just love it. But, I've read a lot of literature that says if you are serious about losing weight, you should not be drinking or you should be seriously limiting your intake. I have limited it some. Usually my flex points are saved for weekend drinking. Hopefully I am not using 35 points per week on booze though! Then I think, since this is an issue I feel strongly about, and maybe refuse to compromise on, maybe I am not that serious about losing weight. But then I think, everyone's lifestyle is different. Maybe if I were married and spent weekends at home with a family I wouldn't feel like I wanted to drink so much. Maybe if I didn't like going out and dancing every weekend - instead stay home and rent a movie or something, I wouldn't want to drink as much either. I don't know. Just rambling.

Trouble!

I've been having some trouble lately with gains... not really sure why. I eat 20 points a day, I always have AP each day, I save my flex points for the weekend because I like to eat a little more and drink a little more, etc. This system has not failed me in the past so why is it failing now?

I've been thinking more and more about extreme dieting. I'm not going to do it, because I know it isn't good for my body, but when I see myself with a gain or if my pants are a little tighter, I find myself thinking... "maybe I'll just skip dinner a couple of nights this week to help the loss." These are NOT good thoughts.

A couple of years ago at my highest weight I lost very quickly by almost starving myself. Luckily I did not gain it back. I would eat 2 eggs for breakfast, a chicken breast for lunch, and a chicken breast and atkins bar for dinner. That's it! It seems pretty foolish now but it worked at the time... obviously it was not healthy, I wasn't eating any complex carbs or veggies. So, I don't want to do that again. It's just the thoughts I'm having lately are upsetting.

Anyhoo, I'll just take it one day at a time.

Here is today's menu:

Before gym: chocolate chip banana bran muffin (1)

B: instant oatmeal (2)
strawberries (0)
3/20

L: PC blue menu veg. lasagna (6)
9/20

S: yogurt (1)
10/20

D: I don't know yet. I have a busy night planned and I'm not sure when or what I'm going to eat. I think there might be pizza involved but I'm just going to try and avoid that at all costs. Here's to what hopefully will be a good week!