oh boy

today i'm not feeling so great. i feel really unattractive... you know, muffin top, pimple, windblown hair, faded jeans, under eye circles. generally bad news. it's so cold and windy today. i look like a monster - not joking. short bleached hair looks like the hair on a muppet after it has been blowing in the wind.

this morning i had my group session at the employment insurance office. really i just snoozed the whole thing away, although i did learn some great resources for improving my english. it was not helpful to me, personally, but i can see how it would be for some people. and it's good to make sure that people aren't cheating the system.

here is a general beef i have: why doesn't tim hortons take debit or visa? seriously... only mastercard or cash. i can understand cash only because they want to keep the lines moving along speedily, but some people don't carry cash (like me, usually). this morning i bought some boxes of that pumpkin spice tea. it's so delicious! anyway, luckily i found an old abandoned tim's card in my wallet, or else i would have had to give up my tea dreams. sad, but true.

in terms of food and eating, i have learned something very, VERY interesting about myself. i need to keep myself neither full or hungry. especially not too full. when i am too full, i feel like i've "blown it," like why bother stopping now... even if i've just eaten a plate of veggies. it doesn't matter... the whole ruining the diet mentally. even though it's ridiculous and i can rationally acknowledge its ridiculousness. so i can't let myself be too full, and ESPECIALLY, not in the evenings, when i am alone. i envy people who live with other people because it's sort of like a block for overeating. i wouldn't stuff myself in front of anyone else because of the embarrassment or the idea of someone judging my eating. but alone, why not? who is going to know? except myself and that's a whole other discussion of feeling bad about yourself!

so that's all i have to say today. today for breakfast i had strawberry carnation instant breakfast made with unsweetened almond breeze instead of oatmeal. a nice change taste-wise but it is not holding me over at all.